Parenting

Parenting is something both hard and quite satisfactory especially when you see the results in your own flesh and blood. You'll find it weird that a 21 year old is writing about 

parenthood but as I was reading To Kill a Mocking Bird, I was just blown away with how Atticus Finch (the father in the story) treated his girl (Jean Louise Finch or Scout for those who have read the novel) with quite the responsible, friendly and at the same time, strict manner that made her so attached to him to the point where she actually confronted half a dozen or so fully grown men just to protect him.
I won't lie: my heart skipped a beat at that scene. There's also his relationship with his son, Jem Finch. Despite him being busy as an attorney, Atticus Finch succeeded, in my opinion, in maintaining a healthy, father-son relationship as well as a father-daughter one. A scene in particular- actually it's more than one scene that got my heart in knots- struck me as the most touching scenes ever read in my life was when Jem, following his father going into town late at night, sneaked out of the house just to make sure his old man was safe and okay. Another one that I really loved was when, after the confrontation with the mob of men, Atticus simply massaged his son's head while on their way back home with a smile plastered on his face despite Jem breaking his father's word and sneaking out of the house let alone, dragging his little sister with him into something dangerous. That scene just tells us how much gratitude the father had for his children, how much he knew, at this very moment, that his upbringing reaped what it sewed.

After those scenes and many more,  I just knew deep inside of me that when I grow up and have kids of my own, I want to be just like Atticus Finch. I want to be a father that not only has the respect of his children not by fear, by the sole comprehension that I am their father and not a jail guard. A father shouldn't be the image of cash for a better living neither should he be the image of a "monster" who breathes fire and shouts at his children whenever something went wrong from their part. A father shouldn't be someone sitting in bed bossing his children around, ordering them to fetch him anything he desires, like dogs they are. He shouldn't be the reason they get isolated from him, shouldn't be the reason they seek out advice and other answers to questions of life from elsewhere without him being a main central line to their lives. To me, the father should be Atticus Finch: a worker, a hard one that is but at the same time, makes space for him to communicate with his children. He answers their questions whenever he can; he gives them advice whenever they seek it; he reads to them; he embraces them and he puts his feet down when a mistake, a vital one, comes round the corner. Atticus Finch could go all the way up to making his son or daughter do something they absolutely despise just to prove a point or teach them a lesson. After an incident with an old sick lady in the neighborhood- Mrs. Dubose- in which Jem tore up her yard, Atticus made him go up to her for a month just to read for her. His son didn't know why his father was being kind to a horrible foul old lady who seems to have a licking in cursing and complaining about everything and nothing. By the end of the month, after her death, Atticus told Jem that the reason he sent him there was to make him see the other side of people that seldom get shown, to teach him that being a gentleman even to ugly people (and by ugly, I mean in character) is always stronger and better than scooping low to their level of treatment. Mrs. Dubose was quite ill and she left the boy a gift as a sign of gratitude for what he did. Atticus Finch just screams "perfect dad" and luckily for me, he gave me a look into the future on how I'll become with my own one day.

In this part of the article, I dedicate my advices and hopes to my future children (Lily, Lina and Omar) if I ever have them with God's will. First to Lilly and Lina, before I even have you, you're my precious little flowers that will light up my life. You'll be raised as if you were princesses to be queens. I want you to be brave and face life with honesty, laughter, lady like manners with those who deserve it or not and sisterhood. The bond between you girls is essential because neither I nor your mother will be around much long to guide you. Know that I'll always be there for you, to give you advice and guide you to safety in this life of thorn and weeds. I am your father when it comes to life lessons and turning you into ladies and your friend when it comes down to helping you find your character, who you are, getting to know your friends and listening to details on your crushes (ma3a eni hakun ba3'li mn gowa!). Learn from your mother, listen to your grandmother because she has seen more action and learned more lessons than any woman on this Earth.Take your great grandmother as an example because if it wasn't for her taking part in my upbringing, I wouldn't be the man I came to be. Have fun; enjoy life; be who you are most comfortable to be. Don't let future plans control your lives: all in its time, don't rush. Seek out success with calmness and relaxation. Express yourselves, always, whether you want to cry, laugh, jump, scream, shout...express what you feel. Smile, never frown. Take care of your brother and bond with him. He'll be your back when I'm gone and he's your family. Just remember that if I ever shouted or screamed at you, it's because either I'm stressed out (which is always) or I want what's best for you (kalam el abahat da). But I give you my word: I will try as much as I can not to shout or scream at you. In the end, know that I will always love you, my flowers.

Finally, to my son, Omar...You will be named after four of the most wonderful, powerful men that affected my life greatly: Omar Ebn El Khatab (رضي الله عنه), Omar Aboul Makarem, Omar Taha and Omar Shanan. Aside from my teachings , I want you to learn from them, seek out their knowledge and try to adapt their views in your life. I want you to learn justice and strength in character, in judgment from Omar Ebn El Khatab. Always be an idol to those around you; be the better example and the better man in every situation you face. I want  you to learn how to value life, how to seek out what's best for you and have fun from your Uncle Omar A. Makarem ( w law msh sem3et kalami, hawadik 3ando ashan ye5la3 senanak ana ba2olak aho!). I want  you to have goals and a long term eye like your Uncle Omar Taha: set goals, be smart, have your way in a decent and well reasoned manner and never hesitate to ask for your rights. As for your Uncle Shanan, well, you'll be having MMA classes with him to begin with but aside from fighting and defending yourself,  I want you to learn how to be a loyal friend from him, how to face life with a heart as bright as gold, how to love right, how to become a man of your word and how to value the people you love the right way. I want you to know that as your dad, I'll be watching your back, helping you every step of the way in becoming who you are meant to be: a gentleman and a successful man, both socially and professionally. As your friend, I want you to know you can talk to me whenever you want to and about anything you want. I promise you I won't shout, I won't neglect you even if I were to meet the President the very next day. You're the one that matters to me; you, your sisters and your mother. You're my family. I want you to be by my side as the second in line to take care of your sisters and your mother. I want you to become everything I couldn't be; enjoy life in every way I couldn't apply (but in the right way).

I hope I become the father Atticus was to his children and I hope that you readers would ask yourselves this question: what kind of parents would you like to be for your children?

Written by: Alaa Mohamed